25 April 2010

Listening to your body?

This is the advice I get from all sides. What crap! I have been listening so hard it drives me mad. The messages are utterly chaotic and confusing. What is my body telling me? Drivel, really. Move, get up, clear your head, no, no, lie down, rest, stay calm. What is that shaking body telling me? This roaring head, this pressure in my ears, this racing heart? This feeling of concussion with flu?

Last Wed I got the second shot of the new drug No 2 and Thur and Fri WERE better days. Yesterday started out somehwat slower and heavier and by early afternoon I was moreless flat out. Got mad and picked myself up to cut the lawn and cycled down to the river fuelled by such fury and desire it almost felt like happiness, while all the time the energy was draining out of me like water from an open tap. The rest of the evening was a flurry haze of shaking and shivering watching TV and drinking herb tea. Last night was not a kind one and the morning confirmed what I had been running away from yesterday.

All I am left with is the hope that once again things may get a bit better.

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