02 January 2011

paid labour

Nervous. From tomorrow on I have to manage at least three hours of regular work until the end of Jan. That means, Mo-Fr including commuting and the lot. What I have been doing for years and years and what I have been unable/not allowed to do for over 12 months now.
From 1st of Feb it's half day or the battle for disability pension.
My employer has built many bridges for me in all these months and more than once has it been suggested to me that there is no need to work "hard", that there are many others who spend half an hour here and there watering office plants and moving the blinds just right and still get paid.
I don't know what scares me more: finding out that I may not be able to work regularly even for a  few hours or the prospect of having to play a charade.
One week at a time. Tonight all I can see is a steep path uphill and I think I have to run it. through thick mud. With leaking boots. Carrying a load of heavy stones on my back. In freezing wind.
I could go on, melodramatics, my pet.

4 comments:

  1. Will send you good wishes from here. Ug-commuting.

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  2. Thank you! In my healthy life, I cycled through a lovely forest to work. And I loved it. And I miss it. Now it's me and a car, boring and tedious and having to find a parking space.

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  3. i wonder how your work is going.
    not being able to work and not feeling productive even if you are working both sound scary indeed.

    sending you good wishes from here too.

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