in theory

in theory I am strong and courageous and generous and calm and compassionate, obviously compassionate, theoretically I am that noble

sometimes I find myself waiting for a bus - in theory I am a great proponent of public transport but in reality I hate going on buses - and I watch people to still my impatience
in theory I am patient, forgiving, relaxed, at peace, even kind

I really don't like waiting for buses

and so I look at shoes 

when I was a child, no: even when I was a teenager, I used to judge people by their shoes and I once broke off with a guy because he didn't have a single pair that was in any way decent

but looking at shoes gets tedious, they no longer bother me so much
I can handle ugly sandals or smelly sneakers these days
some kind of achievement

and so I start guessing that many of these people here mingling and waiting at the bus terminal must haved experienced death

death of a loved one, an elderly relative, a partner, a colleague, a neighbour killed in a car crash,

someone's child, a former boss, someone close, part of their lives, maybe even someone they are glad is finally gone, 

that long final thing, the life without

and they look ok, they walk and wait and some of them probably look at shoes while waiting

life goes on

look at them, the little voice inside me whispers full of awe, they can handle it, people manage
you are one of them
in theory