Slow stuff, this recuperation. Still working on it. There's only that cough now and the soppy exhaustion, the sore head and the ringing ears. Mostly. I am getting so much better. I think.

When I had to start the immune suppression almost three years ago I was warned that patients often pick up one heavy duty inflammation after the other. Am I ever glad that this is only the second one of that caliber. 

In my previous life I was fairly healthy, I seem to remember. At least I can count on one hand the number of times I was off work and on antibiotics in the past 25 years.

Gosh, I was robust.

Losing confidence in your body is a nasty condition. Every hour I have been repeating in my head: all things change, all the time. This will pass. Billions of cells are restored and restoring. Our bodies always strive for health, that's what they are programmed for.

And yet, I try to read the expressions in the looks of the experts, listen carefully to any hidden message in their words. Dr B just laughed, she knew what I was up to right away. She probably heard this little voice from deep inside my mind, what if this... No, she said, we cannot tell. Just rest, enjoy the rest.