01 December 2012

Standing by the window after midnight, waiting. 
For my mind to calm down. 
Just listen: how still it all is, moonlit night, not a breeze, glittering layer of frost.
I no longer dwell much on the why me. 
So obviously futile. 
Asking why me is like asking why not me. 
So there.
But a lot of time and energy has been wasted on why and how. 
There are times when I'd love a culprit, something to blame, wrong diet, bad habits, drugs, drink, fags, that sort of stuff, having lived too fast and too wild etc. 
But, no. 
Even if I did, it makes no difference. 
Congenital, genetic, hereditary: empty phrases, even once you figure out what they mean and how to differentiate between them. 
Disposition? Nope.
A spell? Voodoo curse? Witchcraft? For goodness sake.
It just is. 
For no reason whatsoever.  


  1. Thank you for your words today, Sabine. I know them to be true, and I needed to see them written down.

  2. Dear Sabine- beautiful expression of upekka-'it is what it is' enfolded in an ocean of compassion. One of the Divine Abodes in Buddhism.

    Loving kindness for your honesty,