The first visitors of what feels like a long string all the way up to Xmas have arrived. Joking, eating, drinking, long discussions into the night and with it a terrible tiredness, upset stomach, sore throat. I push away any feelings of loss as I drop them off at the museums, the galleries, the outdoor music events, watch their energy and their eagerness, something I used to have so abundantly. Back home I wrap myself in blankets and drink more fennel tea before I start making elaborate dinners and gear myself up for another night of laughter and talking.

I turn on the radio and I hear 

Oh life, is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me

and I start to cry for a short comforting moment. Autumn is here.