All this here and now stuff is pretty hard work, let me tell you. It was sometime in early December when I gave up on the always-look-at-the-bright-side-of-life way of living.
For the time being that is.
At least that's the plan.
That things will pick up and get better just as the days are getting longer again.
Tomorrow another expert wants to poke into my body and soul and judging from past experience with ENT procedures, this will involve having warm and cold water poured into my ears until the room starts to spin - or not spin which indicates that a balance organ is kaput. We know that fact but what the heck, let's all have some fun and play young scientist competition. Mustn't complain, mustn't complain, it's all on the house and who knows maybe there will be breakthrough findings.
Meanwhile, my youngest unmarried daughter is gallivanting in (on?) the South Pacific islands which is simply wonderful and we are awaiting her reports and pictures with giddy excitement. As my prince remarked this morning while looking out into the still dark skies, at least one of us is having a great time.
Whereas here, the weather is confusingly mild, last summer's geraniums are in flower as is the pink rose and the birds are busy in the bare hedge. I want to go out and shush them into silence. Don't get carried away, I want to tell them, it's early January, there could be a blizzard around the corner. And then what.
All in all I feel a tad too cynical and smart-ish and I know it will fly into my face soon enough. At least that much is true.
Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what’s going on, but that there’s something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.
Tomorrow Jimmy Page will be 70 and tonight I watched R dancing to this song in the kitchen, while he was cooking. It is still magical and will always remain so, the song and of course, my man dancing.
Oh how I puzzled over this song title, in the days of bell bottoms and tie dye shirts, long before I could even speak a single word in English.
Don't you get so weary of feeling as if you "should" feel a certain way or "should not"?
ReplyDeleteI do.
You are such a good writer. I really can't believe that English isn't your mother tongue.
That is a stunning quote. And i love the image of your prince dancing while cooking. Is English not your first language? You write so beautifully in it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope all goes well with the tests, and that things do, in fact, get brighter. Even though you've given us a fairly bright side image in this post anyway.
I am glad to have found you.
Thank you both. Although my parents believed I had the best possible education, my school English was very poor. So much so that I spent my five months school exchange to England at age 15 in almost complete silence and ignorance. Several years later and after I had given up any hopes of ever learning a modern language I fell in love with this Irishman who at the time didn't know a single word of German... Just imagine what my life would be like today had he been Chinese.
ReplyDelete