Here I am watching rose petals drop in the warm wind. What could be more pleasant on this mild morning in late May. Well, for starters, I could enjoy it. Just sitting and watching and enjoying it. No thinking, no speculations, not counting the days of sick leave accumulating on my work record, looking for causes and something to blame - what was it this time. What did you do wrong now, you ignorant fool pretending to be healthy.
Detachment. I could really do with some detachment. Maybe a little bit of confidence as well. Instead, I am in the grip of vertigo, my hands are shaking with the effort of keeping some form of balance. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know this will pass. Eventually. And once the cortisone spike is over and done with I will be less emotional. Last night I cried watching Peggy and Don dance to Frank Sinatra. Honestly.