09 May 2015

Impatiently, far too impatiently waiting for this whatshallwecallit to be over, an infection, surely,  just a virus, no doubt. Ever heard of sinusitis, that must be it. Collecting my wits in between bouts of vertigo and with a booming head under a towel, inhaling tea made from fresh sage and thyme. Pretending that I've never heard of the ENT symptoms of my disease.  There, I said, my disease. As if I owned it. But at this stage, it doesn't really matter. Believe me, it's not a thing about ownership or - worse - owning up to anything. And just to clarify, I am not battling or fighting here. I have rejected this terminology in connection with illness long before I got involved.
I am not even accepting. There is nothing to accept. (Except for the blessings of this country's "socialist" health system. I accept them gratefully and with a continuous sense of wonder and entitlement.)
In conclusion: Shit happened, I am dealing with it. Some days better, other days, not too well. 
Mostly, I am juggling between distraction and panic, occasionally I glimpse enlightenment. 
I love my life too much to whine - generally speaking.

Theoretically, we are all good here, while in reality, uuugh. Tedious.


Ms. Moon said...

I heard something from a TED talk today and a guy was saying something about disease and how it can be a prison if you think of it one way or it can be...oh god, what did he say?
I can't remember.
But I remember what I was thinking- I was thinking of you and I was thinking that he sounded like he was full of shit.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are feeling stronger and better. I also have to say how much I love Ms. Moon's comment. I wish I had some wisdom to share, I only have my good wishes to you from the north coast of California.

am said...

Thinking of you on this Mother's Day and of the love you bring to your life and our lives. Thank you for your writing always and for the music and images in that beautiful video. I've been down with a lingering cold, and my spirit had been growing thin with the tediousness of that. You reminded me that I love my life, too.

molly said...

Lovely. Life is beautiful, but I also agree with Ms. Moon! Hope you feel better soon.

Sabine said...

Thank you all!