09 December 2015

Some mornings, especially when it's sunny and clear and the garden shimmers in this glorious light that betrays its winter sleep, when the birds are busy messing in the compost bin and the radio with all the drama of our chaotic planet is off, I want to mess up my hair and scratch my face, tear my clothes and bang my shins against the stairs until bruises form, whatever it takes, anything, to show this beautiful calm world what it's like, to shove it in the faces of all the well wishers, to bare it all, my misery, my mean self centred lonely self pity, my losses, oh my endless losses, my purpose, my shiny future.
And so on.
Pathetic. I know.

The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson 

This quote is here to say, shame on you. Or something like it.


  1. No, no, not pathetic. Honest, raw, painful, despairing. We can't always be only our shiniest sunniest selves, sometimes the inner sky darkens. I know, I hide behind pretty pictures of beautiful skies all the time. Solstice is almost here.

  2. No shame. No shame. I am with you with your losses.

  3. I feel blessed not to have reached your stage as yet, Sabine.

  4. The world has no idea, but I'm glad you tell us your truth here. I'm listening. I want to scoop you up and tend those bruises wrought by the stairs, by loneliness, by loss.

    With love.

  5. I agree with the comments above – not pathetic. And I'm swallowing that quote, for purely practical reasons: he's correct, it works, though I forget that over and over.