The day will come when I will look back on all this with a slightly bemused or possibly even blasé expression on my face before I completely erase it from the part of my brain that stores the really important stuff.
Today's achievements include a short and very tiring walk through the very soggy garden, cancelling a whole lot of stuff like the train tickets to my father's 88th birthday celebrations later this month, the qi gong with the muslim women, various suddenly unnecessary dates and appointments here and there, but most importantly, securing an outpatient follow-up MRI for next week AND keeping my breakfast down.
I still have to figure out the logistics of how to get to the MRI and back without asking R to take half a day off. Our reliable circle of friends includes only people tied to work commitments or currently battling various seasonal infections.
My energy levels are dragging way behind me. I could find this alarming but I am too exhausted to give a damn.
Pain comes and goes and while I try to handle this like a proper grownup it freaks me out totally. I kind of get the idea but the mind is weak.
The right foot is still a lead weight and most of the leg remains stubbornly numb but I can report some tiny improvements in my walking skills.
My steady companion is this nifty grasping tool for picking and lifting things, incl. pulling up my pants. Actually, I am forever forgetting where I put it last and as a result I am kind of relieved that I am alone at home during most of the day.
Otherwise, I am resigned to accept life as it is right now as long as the wifi works.
Yesterday's therapeutic distractions included a documentary of George Michael (fell asleep after 20 mins) and the excellent two part BBC drama of Agatha Christie's The Witness for the Prosecution.
Of course, I also read the news and keep myself informed, i.e. trying to be a serious, resonsible, informed and involved citizen who is just going through a tiddly bit of health bother. OK, OK, at least some of of the time. It's a work in progress here.
One week done. Five more to go through until officially predicted recovery. I will believe it when it happens.
Isn't this exciting?
Healing is happening. I can hear it in your voice. Healing is a mysterious experience. That's for sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you again for the introduction to John Berger. I've listened to episode #2 now and was surprised to realize I had listened to the five women before somewhere, sometime. Did not remember John Berger from that first listening. Spent some time trying to find out who the five women were and what happened to them. Could only find Jane Kenrick, Anya Bostock (seems to have been John Berger's 2nd wife), and Eva Figes. In 1972, I was 22 years old, back in the days when the word "mankind" began to be questioned, when there was much more power in the word "he" than in the word "she." It was a different world then, and things were changing rapidly.
Well, it IS exciting, in a way. Just to hear that there is some progress. I wish your pain was less than it is. We are here, Sabine, rooting for you. We are here, bearing witness to your progress.
ReplyDeleteI like reading about your progress, and even in your distress I detect a note of inner strength that has always served you well. May it continue to be so. Everyday I hope you gain more strength and resilience as you make this healing journey back. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like things are moving along slowly but surely. Everyday a little better, I hope.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing really well. Keep writing here, so you can see your progress, even when it feels like inches.
ReplyDeleteWe watched old A Bit of Fry and Laurie last night. Helpful. As well as Mental Floss with Jon Green, very short and fast and entertaining.
ReplyDeleteCan you get one friend to drop you off and another to pick you up?
Just catching up here and cheering you on for what you have come through already, and what you still have to cope with. Fine by me if you feel sorry for yourself sometimes.
ReplyDeleteCheering for you here, one day at a time.....
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