So much to figure out. So much to remember and to trust. I used to be much better at this.
All that coping with a rare chronic illness does get in the way now.
Suddenly I am in a situation where the doctor produces the evidence, explains procedures in precise sentences, expertly circling shadows in the MRI printout, almost bored he stresses how often he has performed this surgery in the past.
Whereas the usual scenario is that baffled questioning look. ANCA vasculitis, yes I heard of that one but never met a patient etc. And I usually provide the prompts and watch them taking notes or doing a rapid search online.
So strange being a normal patient with a common and garden sequestered disc that had to be removed from the spinal canal to release the trapped nerve and halt the advancing paralysis of my right leg.
Last night after surgery as I was lying flat on my back attached to various tubes I was unable to sleep for sheer delight that I did it and that the most awful pain was gone. I silently cheered my healthy self for her unexpected reappearance.
But now, 24 hrs later, I am again in familiar terrain, battling with the constant undercurrents of a chronic illness, the what if dragons, the supersensitive nerves and the overactive inagination of all the worst case scenarios ever. There is a slight nagging pain in my right shin. Possibly the end of the world. Etc.
It's hard work. But this is only day one.
For the next four weeks no lounging, cycling, driving, curling up in R's arms. But also no laundry, no filling or emptying the dishwasher, no housework. Period.
I am not allowed to bend or turn or lift anything. And lots more don'ts and no nos.
All I have so far figured out is the basics: getting in and out of bed and brushing my teeth with a straight back. And pouring a cup of coffee.
They tell me I am doing very well and that I can go home on Saturday. Maybe.
Must get ready to climb my very own Everest.