11 July 2017


(weeding is overrated)

Some mornings while the air is still cool and the pigeons are cooing outside I make my lists. I have been making lists for as long as I can remember. Lists of all my new year's eves, my class teachers, the names of the streets I have lived in, my toddler daughter's shoes, our holiday destinations, lies I have told, promises I have kept and promises that I have broken.
Then there is the list of things I can no longer - do, experience, feel, eat, drink and so on. I only started it today:

childbirth
strong coffee
cigarettes
alcohol

Oh well. I start with the obvious and head straight to the household drugs.
Someone recently told me in great detail how he will start smoking and drinking again 'when the time comes'. This way, he said, I will have something to look forward to. And never mind the consequences.
I wouldn't rush to start on cigs and booze, I said to him. Come to think of it, they weren't all that nice anyway.  For a while, we dwelt on memorable hangovers occasions and drifted into our teenage wilderness years but in the end, we agreed to maybe give psychedelics a try. Eventually, 'when the time comes'.

Yesterday, while I tried to explain the levels of exhaustion to my GP (jelly legs? weak knees? drowning?) she asked whether I was sad. Not as in depressed, she explained, just, you know, sad. Without thinking, I replied, no way, I love my life. Just checking, she smiled.



This song was the soundtrack of my teenage rebellion, originally by Ton Steine Scherben, (one of them went to school with me) but this nice version is by Wir sind Helden,  who are part of my second teenage rebellion old age soundtrack, and here is an English translation.



7 comments:

  1. i often think i will start smoking pot again when my productivity no longer matters and i can just sit and dream. i have not smoked in 28 years. "when the time comes." yes.

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  2. I don't know. The way things are going, I'm thinking the time is now.

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  3. I'm not sure what I'd do "when the time comes" but I like the idea of considering the scenario. There was a time, maybe 40 years ago, when I quit smoking cigarettes, I thought, well I'll start up again when I'm old. Absolutely not doing that one.

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  4. Sending love to you, Sabine and R, in your beautiful garden! No time to catch up with your past posts now. No relief from backlog of transcription in sight. Did want to say Hi!

    https://youtu.be/GPyzN_UZU7M

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  5. I was never able to smoke cigarettes, although I tried to. Smoking always made me nauseous. Hangovers taught me to drink moderately, a useful lesson. I got too old for pot, only because I no longer knew anyone who sold it. However, Florida has passed a medical marijuana law and our evil governor is dragging his feet, trying to come up with an inconvenient way to dispense it. I understand it is helpful with anxiety. That's what I would like to try "when the time comes."

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  6. Weeding IS overrated. All the bugs live in the weeds! We need more weeds!

    Seriously, your garden looks great. All that green lushness.

    I would miss alcohol, and I'm sure I eventually will one of these days. Childbirth, on the other hand, I have never missed!

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