My favourite colour is blue. I love cycling more than driving and I can read maps. I am shit at parallel parking. I usually wear jeans but in the summer, skirts and dresses because I feel comfortable in them. I can work with figures and can calculate expenses and such but was never good at maths in school. I definitely think logically. I have about as many male friends as female friends. I can operate a power drill and plenty of other tools, and sometimes I even enjoy it. I know how to mix cement and plaster a wall. I can bake bread and make yogurt. I have been with the same man for 30+ years. None of us would have ever come up with the idea that the housework would be my job. I can be envious or jealous and I sometimes compare myself to others. It usually is my job to take care of everything that has to do with money and forms, but not always with enthusiasm. I love ironing, seriously, I do. I am not ashamed of my educational gaps and my occasional political disinterest. I have one child and that has been the most enriching event of my life. I like nice clothes. I'm great at finding things super. I no longer like to flirt but I am good at empathy. I know how to sew on a button so that it looks good and stays on. I can knit really well but dismally fail at sewing. I like to sleep in. I can bring structure to chaos. I like having visitors but I hate cooking for them. I unashamedly exploit the fact that I live with a cook and a gardener. I have been working with scientists for almost 20 years and nobody has noticed - to date - that I am actually shit at science. My husband is a scientist and he knows and I don't mind. I like to eat. I do not consider myself particularly beautiful. I like to swim in natural waters. I like hugs. I like humans and cats.
I don't think I've ever done anything just because I'm a woman.
I think we should finally stop the male women thing and talk about people.
I think we should finally stop the male women thing and talk about people.
(as initially suggested by Ruth Löbner)
It's funny- my husband and I have what might be viewed as a very "traditional" relationship. He does the money side of things, I mostly do the domestic chores. But actually, we each do what we are best at and that is probably culturally dictated but it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? You are a fascinating person.
I loved reading this. Thank you for writing this down and sharing it here. Rich and honest, dimensional and descriptive in ways we all should share.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're my kind of hugger, liebe Sabine!
ReplyDeleteOther than give birth, of course.
ReplyDeleteThis is moderately frank but there is another layer of revelation beneath this should you feel inclined. Are you, for instance, ashamed of anything? What is your biggest failure? What would be excruciating to write about? All three negative things. But you've earned the right to list the good things and, never mind. This lot will do for the moment.
My only quibble would be "good at empathy". Can one really be the judge of that? Spoken testimonials don't really cut it, since most people try to avoid being hurtful and their silence tells us nothing. Not that I'm saying you're bad at it, y'unnerstand..
Speaking personally I'd say I was bad at empathy but immediately I'd question my motive for saying it. Or, rather, wanting to say it. Might I be grabbing the reader's lapels? And yet I know there've been two or three occasions during the past 83 years when I can fairly say I have empathised and have seen confirming results. As a magazine editor part of my job was to encourage others to write to the best of their ability and instruction via humiliation can only go so far. But in general terms I suspect I fail. On several occasions difficulties in social relationships have arisen and I've decided to end the relationships there and then. This I think is fairly rare.
I don't think we can "stop the male women thing" even if I'm not entirely sure what this is. Stopping anything (providing it is non-wounding) is a restriction and human nature already has a tendency to over-restrict. Politeness, for instance, can turn out to be a two-edged sword.
I balked at what was expected of women when I was about 12 when, after beating my brother and his friends roundly at some game, my mother told me that I should let the boys win, that they didn't like girls who were better at stuff than they were. that was just the first time I balked or chafed at gender roles (that I remember). I let any boyfriend I had know up front that I didn't do inequality as far as male and female, I didn't take 'orders' from men, that if they expected some kind of behavior out of me then they should participate in said behavior themselves. when I had a bunch of college friends to our family beach house for a weekend, the guys expected to be able to sit around while the girls did all the cooking and cleaning. They soon learned that if they didn't help cook or clean then they didn't get to eat and would not be invited back, that us girls were there to relax and have fun just like they were. it would be nice if women and men were allowed by society to just be who they are, be able to work at the things they are good at or enjoy doing, letting each person contribute their strengths regardless of gender. I don't see that happening when three of the world's main religions teach that women are subordinate to men or countries' cultures treat women as servants and baby making machines.
ReplyDeleteI would love to stop the male/women thing, but unfortunately the world often has other ideas. :(
ReplyDeleteInteresting post and it has provoked some interesting commentary as well. What was the original prompt? I followed your link but it was in German, which I don’t know. I have often contemplated such a sharing but you do it with a wink and such grace. So much to think about here.
ReplyDeleteI think that as long as humans have genitals, we will have male/female. I don't think one sex is better than others at doing particular things, except making and birthing babies. I like being a woman because I think there are more socially acceptable ways for me to express my feelings. Men seem to get the short end of the stick there.
ReplyDeleteI want to comment, but you've given me a LOT to think about with the male/female thing.
ReplyDelete