17 August 2019

Is it a sign when you look at the clock in the top right hand corner of the screen exactly at the moment when 00:00 turns to 00:01 or are you just having another one of these nights. (You have.)
Coping and suffering. I've decided to have a go at these. 
Another way of accepting fate, the imponderable cruelty of life - depending on my mood and whether the sun shines nicely.

This morning, or to be precise: yesterday morning, my GP took one look at me and decided that I need to stay home until the end of the month. What if I feel better sooner, I ask. She raised her eyebrows and shook her head ever so slightly, just take it easy, on doctor's orders and now go and rest.
I went home and worked on some excel shit for two hours feeling guilty and relieved at the same time. Until R found out and shook his head in the most disapproving way. He is in charge of house guests, no time to discuss.

I know. I know. My options are to continue as is, with the health insurance and my employer checking my work ability at closer and closer intervals, or getting my act together and apply for early retirement  accept the meagre little pension that awaits me.
On good days, I know that we have what we need for a good life in the years to come (shelter, comforts, garden, community, family).
On bad days, I am working hard at not being a bastard capitalist counting out the money.

The Irish visitor groups are going through the usual adjustments (weather, German bread, the wrong side of the road etc.) and I think I have a good excuse for keeping out of it.
There is more to come. The summer is not over.
The kitchen is still where it's at.
The grandchild reigns supreme from the ikea high chair. All of us here are - one way or another - hooked on that thrilling, complex bribery strategy known as (grand-)parenting. Wonders abound.


Ms. Moon said...

I know that my love for my grandchildren is a trick from evolution to help the species continue but it works completely and magically for me, even as I recognize my complicity in the plan. And oh, it is sweet.
Please, honey. Rest. So that you can continue to experience and even enjoy the shelter, comforts, garden, community, family. That's what's important. And I know you know. It is your presence, your existence that contributes to all of this. The money- not so much.

My life so far said...

I did more reading on Wegener's granulomatosis and wow, that's a difficult disease to live with. Before there was treatment it was fatal within a year. I'm glad there's treatment now.

I don't know how bad your symptoms are but it sounds tough. Why wouldn't you want to retire?

Your grandbaby is there! How wonderful. Enjoy. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your body.

am said...

Sending love to you, Sabine. You have no easy answers when it comes to coping and suffering and then you turn to your grandchild in the kitchen with love and wonder.

Steve Reed said...

It's hard to know when to take such major steps, I'm sure. Grandchildren ALWAYS reign supreme, don't they?! :)

Colette said...

When my grandkids were babies, I could just stare and watch them for hours. I'm delighted that yours is with you now. As for the complexities of retirement, let me just say the decision making process is the hardest part. There are no easy answers. There is only what you want and need. Those concerns change over time. You will know when it is time to make that decision. It is your decision to make.

ellen abbott said...

grandparenting is the best. you get to love them unconditionally, spoil them rotten, and then hand them back to their parents. stay home and rest, enjoy the grandchild, enjoy the garden. think about retiring. there is so much I don't know but if you struggle with your disease every day just to go to work, maybe the struggle should be for something better in your life. unless of course you really really love your work.

Anonymous said...

There are no easy answers, but I would make health the top priority. I so wish you the very best, Sabine. Take care there.

Elizabeth said...

Big sigh from across the water and then across a huge expanse of land.

37paddington said...

Stay home with the house guests and especially the grandchild who reigns supreme. Try to enjoy the enforced rest. If at all possible, let everything just be.

Secret Agent Woman said...

That's a tough decision about work. I hope you are able to enjoy the doctor-ordered time off.