05 October 2019

Occasionally, R gets asked about his wife at some event he attends, social animal that he is. He goes out a lot, meeting people, plotting to change the world, listening to music and/or dancing or simply eating and drinking red wine.
There was a time when I came along, naturally, when we went to these things together and returned home tired, maybe talked about it for a while in the kitchen.
But I rarely go out if I don't have to, not because I don't want to but being in a noisy place with lots of people is difficult, exhausting and it can take me days to recover (- I'm ok for small gatherings, walks in the woods and stuff like that).
Anyway, when he gets asked about his wife or, more specifically by those who have met me before, he says, oh she is a social recluse.
Mostly, I find this amusing and I almost feel kind of special, like a mysterious writer or artist living in a fabulous hideaway, haughty but with a purpose, maybe with some cats and so on.
But other times, when he tells me, it just makes me cry.

Yesterday on my way back from work, I listened to Lou Reed on the car radio and my mind wandered and I contemplated when and where he had an impact on my life and I could not remember the name of his partner, the wonderful Laurie Anderson. I frantically whispered The ugly one with the jewels, The ugly one with the jewels, The ugly one with the jewels, but every time my brain responded with Patti Smith.
The moment I walked into the house, almost running, almost calling out to R, I remembered.
So, not all is lost.


  1. No. Not all is lost. Not nearly.

  2. I am a social recluse by choice. I think it is an old learned behavior, easier to be a loner than to fight with my parents over who I wanted to be friends with. at this point in my life, I've learned how to be sociable but I prefer those times to be few and far between.

  3. There are times we can laugh and times where it just doesn’t work. Health can slowly takes things away and you cope but then it hits you and it hurts.

  4. I was a happy extravert and social butterfly for most of my life. When I retired and moved to Florida, I became a social recluse of sorts, only because it is so hard to make friends when you are older and don't work. I have settled in to it. It seems that if we can't do one thing, we do another. Adapting to one's circumstances seems to be wise.

  5. From one social recluse to another, I would love to be your neighbor. We could wave to each other and chat in the front yard, then disappear into our own houses and smile happily about the splendid social connection with a like-minded soul.

  6. You remembered. Sometimes we remember quickly, sometimes slowly. It is a relief to cry sometimes. There's a delicate balance between amusement and tears. Thank you for "the ugly one with jewels." I'm remembering when you introduced me to "Heart of a Dog."

    When I read the blog post below, I remembered it was you who first brought Greta Thunberg to my attention: