The morning started with rain and this kind of damp heat that wraps around you like a sticky gel. We went to the market for cherries and some other fancy food stuff for the deluge of summer visitors currently in the air and on bicycle on their way to our suburbia hideout.
Next, we sat down for a coffee outside the French bakery and as we were about to leave, we noticed a very disheveled barefoot young woman with many bags, rooting through her pockets. There was a thick streak of dried blood on the back of her pants and so I walked up to her. Are you ok? I asked while I started to collect all the change I had in my pockets ready to hand it to her. Actually, would you go in and get me something? she asked. Sure, I said, what would you like? Get me two large latte with soy milk, a bag of croissants, two waffles with jam and one with Swiss cheese, also one, no make that two of the extra large walnut baguettes. Oh, and would you also pay my tab from last week, that's why I cannot go in myself. For a moment, I was dumbfounded, I must admit. We looked at each other, she grinned at me. I pulled out a bank note, topped the change with it, handed her the money and said, you should have enough here to get breakfast yourself.
I walked up to the library to calm my thoughts holding books and smelling print and later walked through the posh area home, looking up at the high windows of the old villas, into their manicured gardens with e-cars charging from wall boxes on the driveways.
One of my oldest friends is a social worker. She has worked on the streets of our city for the last 30 years. We do have accommodation in this city for all of the strays, she assures me. Not luxury, not even comfort, but a bed, a shower, food, advice. The very basics. It's not our place to assume what people should need. If you feel the need to help, give money, not food, and if it's used for drugs, allow them that choice. Women are more vulnerable than men, always remember that. The world is cruel, you can only do so much.
A while ago, my daughter urged me to do the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test, a personality assessment that is often used by big organizations and companies as part of their recruitment processes. Of course, I checked the science behind it, I am that kind of a mean person and no, there is no scientific basis, it's been called a fad, pseudoscience like horoscopes over and over, it' been retested and assessed with new statistics and analysis methods, but it's still just a fad. I did it anyway and once again 24 hours later, to check for reliable reproduction of results etc., and the personality I was twice identified as based on my answers is the woman who handed over her money this morning.
To do the test, click here. A comprehensive review of the (non-)validity can be found here.
8 comments:
I believe my husband and I took that test many decades ago when we were going through marriage counseling. I don't remember the category we each fell into but they did describe us (and how could they not since we were the ones giving the answers describing ourselves). the purpose was to better allow us to see the strong points of our partner and show it complimented us. it didn't really solve out problems, just sort of put them on the back burner to flare up again which they did of course.
I rather agree with your friend. none of us knows these people's story, why they are at this point in their life, through choice or not, what their upbringing was like that formed or gelled their personalities, their ability to cope. the planet is overpopulated, the pressures of modern culture are immense. you want to help? give them money so they can use it the way they need most. but I have to admit that woman has some pretty big balls to make that request of you.
Wow, that young woman didn't have a hard time asking for a lot. Pay my tab for the week? I don't get that. As for helping homeless people, I go always give them money and figure they can get what they need, even if it's drugs. If you're homeless and in pain, maybe drugs are the only thing that help. I think homeless people and addicts are among the strongest people around. I can't imagine getting up everyday and dealing with what they have to deal with. I would just kill myself to end the misery of daily living.
I've taken the Myers-Briggs test a few times and took it again today. I'm always ISFJ-T, a defender. Sigh. I do too much for others and get resentful for not being recognized.
I'm with "give them money" group. Pixie's right, and as a friend of mine said, "If I was homeless, I sure would need a drink." What right do we have to judge someone else's priorities? Well, okay. We do judge people's priorities all the time. Elon Musk's for example. Somehow this is quite different.
However, if that woman had asked me for all that stuff I probably would have walked away. Was she joking or serious?
37paddington: I loved your response. Here’s the money. Do it yourself. Walk away. She’s clearly capable. But yes, give money. We don’t know anyone’s story unless they tell it to us.
I think you did the right thing, and without much time to consider what was going on. I have taken the Myers-Briggs test twice. Once in my frenzied work persona, and once as a relaxed retiree. Oddly the results were the same each time.
I've taken the test many times over the course of my life, beginning back when I was still a teenager. I always get the exact same results.
I did the Myers-Briggs years ago but I can't remember my results! I guess I could do it again -- if I cared, which I really don't. :)
That woman had some cheek, didn't she?! I think I might have said, "A soy latte and a croissant -- got it!"
Quite a sophisticated order, too. Proving one of my many theses that face-to-face charity is much more complicated than most people imagine. I have taken the coward's way out; standing orders to a range of worthy causes. A leftish intellectual of my acquaintance asked me who the recipients were and how much? I told him and at the mention of one organisation he said "That's far too much." I was quite bucked by this.
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