It's sticky and thundery. In the last couple of days, I went for the walk first thing in the morning to avoid the heat. Not sure whether that's the best idea as I end up getting the shakes half way but this is suburbia and there are many benches and walls and stuff for a short rest. A few days ago, I bravely walked the perimeter of an ancient volcanic crater. It only took us three hours of climbing through dense forest but the water was intensely green and still and wonderful to look at. We were the only people around so nobody could hear my whiny voice complaining about the heat and the insects and that R was walking too fast.
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Malbergsee |
Mostly, I am cranky and seem to have lost my manners but my excuse is that I have been living on a boring bland diet for almost a year now with not a chance of improvement. At least I can do coffee and I am a sucker for porridge and toast. The man has developed some bland soup recipes with fresh garden produce incl. herbs. Soups are really boiled green smoothies, I tell myself. And they do taste good. Good enough. A decent week is one with little or no weight loss. And concentrating on that helps to ignore some other symptoms the expert has noted at the regular check-up last week, at least for while.
Today, we cycled to the fancy French cafe, in between heavy thunder storms, and while we sat under the awning sipping gorgeous cafe au lait, discussed burial options and costs. I had this dream that both of us had died and our daughter arrived here, jet-lagged and, out of her mind, began tearing her beautiful hair out.
So we are now putting together instructions and the necessary funds. Current favourite is getting an undertaker from across the border in Holland, which unlike here, would allow collecting the ashes and spreading it where and when anybody wants to. While in Germany the laws are much stricter, you cannot spread ashes willy nilly everywhere. We next imagined her trying to get two urns past NZ customs and started to have the giggles. Anyway, lots to investigate and we are serious about preparations.
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poor shot of the bees |
We are both old now, more or less, and getting used to it. And while we are clearing out stuff, sorting through papers, preparing our burials, it's just old age, it's not waiting for death, it's life. Our lives will come to an end, it has happened to billions of people before and it will happen to everyone alive, everyone we know. The man is fit and healthy, I am not. Anything can happen.
we seem to be thinking about the same things today albeit in different ways.
ReplyDeleteYou are using good sense. I should be doing this. My husband fights it and I think it's because deep down, he believes he is immortal. Or should be. Not an uncommon thought, I think.
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear of your walk...which my goodness was a long one! Of course you'd complain from heat and bugs, who wouldn't? Glad to hear about your thoughts on end of life issues. I had hoped to be buried in natural place, just a cardboard box, where trees and grass grew. But all the local burial plots like that are already taken. SO I guess cremation is worth considering.
ReplyDeleteMy parents did what you and R are doing. They put their affairs in order, which took a great deal of stress out of the difficult days following their deaths for my sisters and me. Although I have no spouse or children and am estranged from my two sisters, I've done all the planning work with lawyers and professional executors for my eventual death. It is a relief to be at peace with the facts of my life and death.
ReplyDeleteWhen you mentioned boiled green smoothies I smiled because for my own health reasons that is something I consume daily as well as oatmeal and blueberries. I, too, do best on a bland diet which is not what I would choose but good enough.
It's been too hot for me walk here and relatively humid but no thunder so far. Just a little more than a month of this weather and then better weather for walking. My favorite season is coming up.
Sending love to you and R.
Tom and I should do the same.
ReplyDeleteWhat fun it is to grow old with someone with whom you can giggle over burial plans.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that burial plans, or cremation plans, should be on my radar as well. One step at a time. My target age for leaving this planet is 80, but I hope for more of course. If I die at 80, that means I have only so much time to accomplish what I want to, only 18 more harvest moons, hard to imagine.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs Sabine.