24 February 2010

non day

This was a non day, it did not feature, in fact it was horrid and went in a blur of pity and panic and feeling alone and other such like emotions. The preceding night was shitty hell but at least I could hear birdsong after 5 am which somewhat alleviated the irrational fear of death, my night time companion.

So how about some good stuff?

This is a quote from an interview in last w/e Observer with the Swedish architect Eva Gabrielsson, the partner of the Swedish crime author Stieg Larsson about life after his sudden death:
"I want to show what hell is. But also I want to say: Don't be afraid. Embrace it and you'll get through it. You become somebody else. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you are in total distrust of the world. But this is the way it is supposed to be. There is something in our genetic code, something primitive that takes us over because our rational self cannot deal with the reality. You are an animal now. But the more of an animal you are, the safer you are: it protects you. It's there to help you survive."

And this one from Hilary Mantel in the same paper:
"I had not always been lucky, had not always been blessed, but, illness aside, I had a savage and hidden faculty for managing my desires: for slapping and pounding fate, a rickety raw-faced amateur who should never have stepped into the ring with hard-faced likes of me."

My next step is to get the messages. I'll try but what a job!

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