23 July 2013

This could be the day when I slowly start to forgive the oral surgeon for all she has done to my mouth two, almost three weeks ago. In fact, I may even start to think that she and her colleagues were completely correct with their diagnosis. 
Admittedly, I have a hard time trusting experts in the dental/oral surgery department. Mostly I think they are all tossers who do it for the money. And with all their big white teeth smiles they surely have never ever experienced any discomfort, ache or pain (here I said it) and are thus obviously ill equipped to offer the appropriate supportive treatment. 
Come to think of it, I distrust most doctors. I occasionally wonder whether our family GP is actually able to see the Bigger Picture and even my lovely immunologist seems to smile far too much considering the severity of my fate. Oh, the nights I have wasted convincing myself of misdiagnosed heart attacks, lung failure, shrivelled-up kidneys, even tumours hidden in secret cavities. But I don't double check anymore, I no longer discuss the myriad details of how this illness apparently affects is slowly but surely destroying my body and mind. I have long since stopped going back to the experts like a lost pet dog looking for scraps of food. Nowadays, I just think that I'll show them how wrong they were provided I survive the night.
I know. Foolish.
But today I kind of seem to get there. Some form of normal has returned. Despite the fact that it's one hell of a scorching hot day. I got into work as early as I could and even my Heidi Klum colleague agreed that we put on the fan at full force. She worries a lot about drafts, the lovely Heidi. But thankfully not today. Still, I am aiming for an even earlier start at work tomorrow, just after sunrise. Provided I survive the night.

1 comment:

  1. I don't think foolish.

    Doctors and nurses have told me all sorts of things that didn't turn out to be true. Taking what works for me and leaving the rest of what they offer is my policy.

    "You will need this medication for (fill in the blank) allergies, sinus infections, bulimia, depression, menopause, high cholesterol, elevated blood pressure, rosacea, headaches, and whatnot, for the rest of your life," they said. They were wrong. When I took some (not all) of the medications they gave me, I developed further health problems.

    Currently I don't take any medications, and all the above health problems have more or less resolved on their own. I do have early cataracts and do acknowledge that doctors can help with that. I know that as I age, there will come a time that there will be nothing that the doctors can do for what ails me except provide comfort care.

    When it comes to the point in my life where I say "provided I survive the night," I will think of you and be with you in spirit, as I am now.

    Continuing to send love and encouragement and gratitude for your words that reflect your experience, strength, and hope, as you live with an autoimmune disease.