12 November 2015

Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That’s the compassionate thing to do. That’s the brave thing to do. We can’t just jump over ourselves as if we were not there. 

Pema Chödrön

Let's pretend I read this quote for inspiration and relief. Let's pretend I am brave and can look my negativity in the eye and give out a tiny non-squeamish hiss of recognition. While I wouldn't have the energy to jump for whatever reason, I somehow managed to go to work for three days in a row. I am not sure about tomorrow. And every evening when I get home in this exhausted and foul mood I am starting to contemplate a life without the job. (Whereas every morning I think it's not really that bad.) 
But right now, I am ticking off days waiting for my body to pack it in once again. One way or the other. Yet maybe maybe maybe, plan C or D or whichever is about to begin, will actually do the trick. Only, I am waiting for my lovely immunologist to call me with the war plan and the dates and then I have to figure out a way to get there and back. I have been given a booklet with information on side effects and what to expect and how to react. I've attempted to  read it a couple of times but found the narrative difficult to follow. Every page is illustrated with pictures of extremely healthy looking people and I get distracted checking their outfits and their suntans. 
Matters did not improve when I went from Downton Abbey straight into The Leftovers. Talk about negativity. With a capital N. Like November.

This here was our back yard in paradise.


Ms. Moon said...

Yes. Paradise.
Also, I love that quote. We cannot just ignore reality, especially when it inhabits our bodies.
Let the Leftovers alone. I haven't watched it but I read the book and that alone was plenty depressing.

Anonymous said...

That's a really smart and thoughtful quote, and your paradise is beautiful.

Ellena said...

Amazing how our Paradise adjusts its self in order to embrace our

am said...

For some reason, this came to mind when I read the Pema Chödrön quote:

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best…
(Frank Zappa)

This morning I woke to this odd thought about empathy (given that I am not a Christian):

Jesus didn't die for us. He died with us.

Leslie Jamison's essays continue to speak to me. As she acknowledges in so many ways, we are often not there, not brave, not compassionate, forsaken, fully human, with memories of Paradise that cannot be taken away, doing what we can to keep our hearts open.


Thank you for your encouragement in regard to my sister and me. We are getting to know each other, probably for the first time. I wish the same for your and your sister.

As always, sending love to you, Sabine.

37paddington said...

Sending love. Also I love am's comment above.