01 January 2017

Happy new year

Another first. Served by this life of mine. Or circumstances in general. Or maybe it is all a result of my mother's faulty genes, according to my father (who has developed a liking of superficial genetics when it suits him).

Anyway, watching the fireworks at midnight from the large window of a dark and silent hospital room. That's a first. And yes, it was a lonely watch. Oh never mind. I am not alone in this world. But a week of sleepless nights has screwed up my mind somewhat. Producing deep waves of miserable self pity etc.

In the early hours,  the night nurse added another drug to the cocktail and we discussed the relationship between nighttime and pain and low cortisol levels.

And so here I am. Watching the January morning sky turning pink. Hoping for miraculous pain relief. Trying to sort through my fears and hopes for surgery which appears by now most likely.

Above all the thought that this new year could be amazing and wonderful.

12 comments:

Elsewhere said...

(who has developed a liking of superficial genetics when it suits him)
What a wonderful sentence!

I wish you well. I wish you drugs that help (Lyrica? Amytriptiline?). I wish you Tara Brach. I wish you love and endurance.
x


Rouchswalwe said...

Liebe Sabine! I tended to an ailing friend last night. There were no fireworks, but we did share a bag of Gummi-Schlümpfe (true to form, there was only one Papa-Schlumpf in the bag and we couldn't agree as to which one of us would eat him. So we left him in the bag). We were both slumbering well before midnight. I'm keeping you in my thoughts as this new year begins (rosy and promising pink here, too, after a windy grey last day of 2016) and sending you a bolstering hug! And the sincere wish that it will be amazing and wonderful for you!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to you, Sabine. I hope the year begins as pain free as it can be right now and that it continues to get better and better. Yes, wishing you a year that is amazing and wonderful. Take care there.

am said...

Beautiful thought. Above all. Kind wishes now and always.

Colette said...

Sorry to hear that surgery is likely, but hope it does bring some relief. I can well imagine how you might be low after a week of painful sleepless nights. Sounds like torture. I'm hoping for a better 2017 for you.

liv said...

I don't know where prayers go, to whom? No matter. I've said a few for you with thoughts of successful surgery and pain free days.
Wishing you all the best for a happy and wonderfully amazing new year !

Zhoen said...

Watching fireworks from a hospital window, talk about a moment of grace in a bad situation. Well, I've done it, but not as a patient, just at work.

Wishing you good nurses and excellent surgeons, and the odd good meal.

molly said...

Hold on tight to that last thought! That's what I'm hoping for you...

37paddington said...

Sending love dear Sabine.

Lucy said...

Bless you for your courage and hope, I so hope they can help. Wishing you all good things, and thanks for being.

Elizabeth said...

I am sorry to be behind -- to not know that you've been hospitalized. I am sending you my thoughts of healing, of love, of things to turn around, of relief and ease.

A Cuban In London said...

I am terribly sorry that you had to welcome the new year in hospital. From human to human.

Greetings from London.