I feel so ashamed for having been such a moaner recently. Every morning, I wake up with the best intentions and by midday, I have lost the plot, again. Let me assure you, I do know that there is much going on and yes, I could, should concentrate on the bigger picture. You deserve better from me, much is at stake. I don't quite understand why it is a struggle right now for me but there, I admit it.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, after all, the evening sky was magnificent, all these towering clouds after the rain storm.
But please, I want to have more courage, trust, and oh, dignity. Let me figure out how to be a decent human being again. A woman not afraid of changes and ageing and illness, but someone with the confidence that her body knows how to cope and recover. Allow me to face my fears, to stop cowering and pretending that by not looking at them - square in the face, so to speak - they will disappear.
(Still, reading The Great Gatsby again in one go last night was a wonderful distraction. Thank you.)
Also, while I have your attention, let me find my place again, you know what I mean. My place in this chaotic world.
I promise to try my best from now on. So please, would you nudge me in the right direction?
the stranded beetle
PS: The grape hyacinths are lovely this year. Well done.