Thank you so very much for your comments, all very much appreciated.
Some points you raised:
To sue or not to sue. That was a difficult issue for me. The reason for suing would have been the fact that the actual surgery that was performed was not what I had agreed upon and for which I had signed the requested legal document. When I finally received the photocopies of my medical file - months later - that document was missing. I could have started my claim there. But as the lawyer explained, the document may have been changed, lost, misplaced, whatever, and still, I would need witnesses to prove what I had signed just as much as the hospital could dispute that. The same for the fact that hysterectomy was never mentioned to me, not even as a possible risk in case of an emergency during surgery, which again the hospital could dispute. Here, hospitals have watertight insurance cover and legal representation. It is extremely rare for patients to win any case and if so, usually only malpractice ones, like botched surgeries or wrong medication. I did not even have access to legal aid and although friends and family offered financial assistance, it was explained to me that a case like this could take many years and if I lose, it could bankrupt us all. Also, having to reiterate the whole story several times and answering a million questions, possibly mostly to and from men, was/is a harrowing prospect. And the best possible outcome? Maybe money, a sense of revenge, a dent in someone's career. This may look amazing in a Hollywood court room drama with Julia Roberts. I did not want to have this fight in my life. I am not that kind of person and I am glad I am not.
There were two men involved, the head of the gynaecology department at that hospital and the gynaecologist who referred me to him. The department head was an eminent authority, a demigod of gynaecology. He was a champion of natural birth, non- and minimal invasive gynaecological surgery methods, author of many books and articles. When he died in 2017, the national media was full of eulogies, midwives, doulas, women's groups, all praised his work. I was so convinced that I was going to the right place. I never met him, only doctors of his team and the gynaecologist, who referred me to him, used to work in his team.
By chance, many years later, I met a scrub nurse who worked in his team. When I told her a bit about my case, she nodded and said, yes, it figures, he's an asshole.
Another aspect is that during specialist training in gynaecology, junior doctors have to perform a certain number of hysterectomies. Thirty years ago, this was at least 20 hysterectomies per year. I don't want to suggest anything that hasn't been suggested before. But you may be able to put two and two together here. I don't think I was mixed up with another patient. In the early 1990s, unlike today, a woman in her mid/late thirties who wanted to get pregnant was advised about age and health risks. As it happened, I was told that another pregnancy may result in a C section and/or eventual hysterectomy after the birth. So someone may have felt the call to speed up the process for me. I still think that.
As for the autoimmune diagnosis and a possible connection, no. That diagnosis was actually quite obvious. I had a clean bill of health in January, cut my foot in March, infected wound turned into sepsis, lots of penicillin April/May, elevated liver values by July, was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis by the following January.
Therapy, yes, I've seen two therapists. Basically, the outcome, this is something I needed to learn to live with, not to fight. And yes, if I must have abdominal surgery, I will have every fart in writing, signed copies, the works. I will interview every person involved until I know their children's names and date of birth. I know my stuff now.
As for trusting the medical professionals who look after me? Yes and no. Some have been wonderful and I stick to them but there's always that arrogant odd bastard once in a while. I am fortunate that due to my work - which I started some years after this experience - my clients are mostly excellent medical researchers and experts, many have become friends over the years and often help me understand new aspects of my own medical history.
But the forgiving myself part? Maybe one day. Not yet. Maybe never.
And so to this xmas, here is some xmas-sy kind of music, recorded in the city where J.S. Bach lived and worked.
6 comments:
The system is rigged and that's all there is to it. The ones with the most money and most lawyers win. Almost every time. I wish this were not true but it is a fact of life. You were wise not to sue, I'm sure but still- the bottom line is that you were wronged and had no recourse for any sort of recovery.
I am so sorry.
I feel lucky that one of my daughter's best friends is a scrub tech at our local hospital where most surgeries are performed and she works with everyone. She is smart and she is honest and she does not hesitate to tell us who she would or would not recommend. Of course that does not guarantee a positive outcome but it is a comfort, going in.
The fact that the legal document was missing from your file, well, it makes me angry. What kind of creep would take that document and dispose of it? I think we all know what kind.
It sounds very much as if the surgeon found his mistake too late, removed the documents that would have proved his blunder, then tried to snow you with a tale of how well it was healing.
Doctors protecting each other. It's shameful and you have no need for any sense of guilt. Anger, yes, at being so shamefully betrayed.
I can see how the best option would be to move on with life, but still -- how devastating. I hate the fact that they got away with this malfeasance.
it seems very obvious that the performing surgeon needed a hysterectomy for his count and that the document that you signed detailing the surgery you were to have was missing is just screaming proof that he knew exactly what he was doing and that it was wrong. and also an example of how the patriarchy dismisses and devalues women. there is nothing you need to forgive yourself for, you were a victim.
all the doctors I go to regularly now, with the exception of the electrophysiologist, are women and if I need a new specialist I always try to find a woman. I've been to too many holier than thou know it all men who don't listen or just don't care. though I did have one primary care male doctor until he retired that was great, spent as much time as needed and listened.
So much compassion to you for enduring this, and the aftermath of no recourse available for you. I'm glad you're speaking out now so that others, many young women, may make informed choices of care givers.
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