You wake up in the morning and while you are still delighted that being retired means no pressure, no rush, you get up anyway. You are so used to not staying in bed. And then there is this morning stiffness. You know it will pass more rapidly if you get up and move.
Over breakfast, you listen to the news and your heart sinks, the familiar dread begins to come to the surface, together with this urgency of what you should, need to do. You wait for the first bit of music between two features. Your rule, dance to the first bit of music you hear in the morning, still applies.
Next, emails, messages, a new commission, work. You agree on a deadline, tell yourself that you do not need to start right away, but then you do it anyway. By lunch time you realise that you have been sitting and working in front of a keyboard for hours. You stretch your stiff back and neck. All good. After lunch, you quickly sort the laundry and tidy up a bit, make the beds, that sort of thing. You check the bird feeders and spend a while clearing stuff in the garden. You go for your walk, you turn on the 1000 hrs outside app. You come back just before sunset and after dinner, you make some jam before you go back for a re-edit of the new commission.
You attend a zoom meeting on how to handle racist agitation and neo-nazis in public. You share your experiences during the recent rallies you attended. You note down the dates for more of these meetings, public debates and upcoming rallies in your area. You clean the kitchen before bedtime, put the dishwasher and the washing machine on timer for early tomorrow morning attention. You sort out some paperwork for an upcoming doctor's appointment. It is after midnight when you finally got to bed.
You repeat this, with slight variations, library visits, shopping, meeting people, another rally against neo-nazis, cycling into town along the river, cleaning the house, long calls with friends and family, the odd medical appointment, stretching and quick yoga sessions, for the next couple of days, weeks, every day. You are amazed how much you can do, retirement suits you, you tell yourself, you are getting fitter every day. You increase your daily steps to 15,000 because it feels so good.
And then one morning, you have lost the ground beneath your feet. In fact, you are so exhausted, you cannot get out of bed. You sleep the best part of the day and the night. And the next day. Your ears are ringing, your head is throbbing, your eyes ache, you want the blinds down. The room is turning when you try to get up. You have been here before and before and before. You know what this is, you have overdone it. You need to rest.
But first, you really should rewrite this replacing all the you with I.
10 comments:
Me too, exactly!
It happens, doesn't it? I think I have come to the point in my life where I KNOW that it is best to pace myself, even on the best days, to avoid those days when you feel like perhaps you are coming down with something. Although I do realize that my situation is much different from yours.
It's been 10 years, and I'm still not used to staying in bed. I try though, believe me. I'm glad you had a productive day, even if you did pay for it the next day. It must have made you so happy.
Ah. Truly resting. Not pushing yourself just a little bit more into exhaustion by changing all the pronouns. I know how hard it is to stop when that voice inside me is relentless and doesn't want me to take a much-needed break.
Stayed in bed, knowing I wouldn't sleep. Just kind of thinking of nothing, bits of things floating, maybe a bit of sleep here or there. And then an hour had gone by, and I felt, yes, this was the time to start the day. But then I went slowly from one thing to the next...found driving was among the least tiring skills I had. But walking a little ways left me breathless. I accomplished laundry, then needed to make brownies, but coughing fits took over my life. So now my own crap has caught up with me again. I must make the brownies for the movie I'm running tomorrow! Just that deadline thing approaching. Breathe in love, breathe out peace!
Get some much needed rest and hope you feel better soon. I went to bed at 7:10pm last night, exhausted beyond reason. I slept well but still woke up exhausted and drag my ass through the day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better for both of us. Sending hugs.
I will tomorrow dance to the first bit of music i hear, i love that. idea, thanks. but then after that Sabine, you do as much in a day as i do in... two. This morning i was happy with the news about the court, in The Hague, but then my friend today she said it made her really sad, because it just wasn't good enough. What did your zoom meeting suggest for how to handle racist agitation and neo naziism in public... experiences i have are so subtle, like a certain friend saying certain things... I don't quite know how to respond to her when she does this...
yep. it happens. maybe not that extreme for me but my days aren't that busy, busy but I'm done by 5 or 6 on my busiest days unless it's my night to fix dinner and in bed by 10. I don't stay in bed on those days instead migrating to the couch where I do nothing all day, maybe stream some show. the inertia will last for days sometimes. I do like to linger in bed for about a half hour or more after I wake up these days.
Take care of yourself. It would be nice if we humans were better at pacing ourselves, wouldn't it?
37paddington: I admire you. I have come to the point where I try to overdo it whenever I can because the morning stiffness does not pass and 1500 steps, the very desire to make that a daily goal because it feels good, is a wonderful thing. Rest up, my dear. The rallies, the bike rides by the river, the meeting with friends, all of it still beckons you, and that is the gift. But you are wise to listen to your body and recharge as needed. I hope you find new ground soon. I’m taking notes from you.
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