04 April 2024

April rainy day

Today, I am in a lousy mood. What else is new. As it is, R has gone into hiding from my snappy remarks.

The thing is, surgery options appear increasingly limited if not completely out of range as it stands right now. One guy I spoke to briefly - a surgeon who called me after a friend asked him to - put it bluntly that my symptoms may only improve marginally after surgery and if at all, only for a couple of years the most. Worse taking the risks? Not really, depending on the time of day.

The alternatives are currently not endless, but out there, including dietary supplements, nutritional guidance and supervision, (limited) medication options to be verified, the obvious life style changes. Main goal, no more weight loss. Forget dinner, as if I haven't done that already. My daughter suggests to concentrate on a culinary breakfast world tour, working my way through the continents, finding stuff I can handle. Trial and error. The rest of the day can go shitface after that anyway.

It's amazing how angry all this makes me. I am tempted to give away my cookery books and delete all bookmarked recipes on my computer. Stick to food as a source of energy, forget cooking.

Yotam Ottolenghi’s recipes contain forty ingredients and you have to start making them six months ahead because you have to grow the herbs from scratch or leave your spices out until a full moon and then you have to lure virgins to dance around them until they are all so exhausted that they collapse and that is a lot to do for a risotto. 

Geraldine Deruiter

Last night I finished reading a dystopian novel (The Uninvited, by Liz Jensen). I could not put it down and read until 3 am, which meant that my dreams were somewhat impacted and today I am missing a bit of sleep. Here is a quote from it.
Humans like to believe they're rational. But the capacity for superstition is part of our DNA … All the things we fear  . . . are as present as they ever were. But they're no longer external. They've been chased indoors. Where we can't let them go.

The nice stuff is still there, I do have reasons to be cheerful. Of course. All the apple trees are in full promising bloom, unlike last year. Lilac week has started. Yesterday, I walked the long route through the posh parts of the suburb where every front garden has a lilac bush. It was simply lovely, plus I listened to the Digestive Biscuit episode of the Blindboy Podcast. Currently, Blindboy, despite his endless swearing and heavy duty Limerick accent, is my daily dose of calm. I think I am falling in love with it all. I am also thinking of getting a decent supply of digestives for my breakfast challenge. 





am said...

"... Stick to food as a source of energy, forget cooking ..."

Interesting. That's what I do. Very little cooking. Lots of eating simple foods that I love and find comforting. Peanuts! Peanut butter with butternut squash! Peanut butter added to cooked vegetables along with olive oil. Whole milk yogurt! Oatmeal with blueberries and olive oil! Poached eggs with olive oil! Pinto beans mashed with lots of olive oil! Japanese sweet potato smoothie (Japanese sweet potato cooked ahead of time in a slow cooker, blueberries, olive oil, oat milk, salt and spices)! Vegetables stir-fried in olive oil with herbs and spices! Steamed red potatoes with olive oil and salt added in the dish! Food is good medicine.

I've been feeling angry, too. Walking more than usual for this time of year.

Enjoying seeing all the flowering trees here.

Sending love.

Ms. Moon said...

Well, I love that quote by Geraldine Deruiter. She sums up how I feel about some recipes.
I do not love the fact that your options are so limited, none sounding terrific. I get the feeling you're not going to have surgery which in this case, is probably sensible. I cannot imagine losing the ability to enjoy eating. It is one of life's dearest and most basic pleasures. I am so sorry this is the way it is for you now.

Barbara Rogers said...

Don't know what kind of surgery you were contemplating. But diet changes and a few exercises may be able to help with digestion. Have you heard of FODMAP diet? It's where you cut out a lot of foods that typically cause gut issues...then add one back at a time to see if it's something you can tolerate. If this isn't you, just forget I said anything. A nurse gave me my first info about that, and I shared it with a friend who found it helpful.
I hope you feel better...in whatever way you choose to live.

Pixie said...

You're allowed to be angry, you've lost a huge part of life, cooking and eating, it's how humans connect and so often show love. Our lives revolve around food.

I'm sorry sweetie. Sending hugs and love.

ellen abbott said...

I wish you had better options. I'd be angry too. unfortunately anger solves nothing. surgeons always want surgery even if and when the results are minimal. I hope you can find a decent amount of foods that you tolerate. and still find joy in living. spring is helpful.

Colette said...

I'm angry for you. On your behalf. In support.

37paddington said...

I hope you find the nourishment that calms your system. Eating right for our physiology and chemistry is such a challenge, whether we are trying to lose or trying not to lose, or merely (hardly "merely") trying to bring the body in balance. You know more than most about this. I believe you will find your way. Sending love.