This day means a lot to me, I often call it the most hopeful day, the day, when the light comes in. And I still do, even after watching and raging for the past three days at what has been going on in my country and what is going on elsewhere. I could list all the angry and insightful quotes and statements I have collected, the memes and the poster images and the cartoons, thank goodness for nasty cartoons. But instead, I look out over the hoar frosted garden, bright sunlight, the birds picking through the handful of nuts and seeds on the patio table, the squirrels racing across the lawn and into the hazel bush.
Before sunrise, I hear the blackbirds singing out their mating songs. And this is my song for today.
Today, I want to whisper in people's ears: Don't be afraid of change, because the current situation means a climate crisis, wars, inequality, noise, oppression, species extinction, oligarchy, lack of education, violence ... Nothing that is worth fighting to preserve. So you have nothing to lose by embarking on the adventure of improving the world. Do your best to separate the signal from the noise.
We exist together. We don’t have to do any of this alone.Nandi Rose
Perhaps this is all we can give each other right now—the promise of support and camaraderie and love. There are things that will not get better—things that will be irrevocably lost—but then there are things, hopefully, that will: our care for each other. Our care for the land. Our involvement in our communities. Our capacity for love.
Getting better at loving, I think, means sitting with the hard stuff, not being afraid of it, not turning away. Maybe we can learn to undo the language of betterment in favor of something more honest and true: not I hope you feel better but I’m with you as things get worse.
Tomorrow is my sister's 70th birthday. She has been mad at me since forever, we are in a constant competition of who can come up with the best, veiled insult, the sharpest sarcastic remark, the nicest grandchild, the worst chronic pain and so on. We are both carrying wounds that will never heal. I know I owe my life to her. I knitted this pair of mittens for her. The pattern is from a book I found in a second hand shop ages ago, it's an old Estonian pattern. The book is full of wonderful mittens and socks in these traditinal techniques and patterns. I've copied every single one of them over the years. A long time ago, I knitted one of these mittens for a therapist I went to for a while. I carefully chose the softest wool and fretted over the pattern a good deal. She refused to accept them, something about professional standards, about not allowing client's work on her skin and so on. I dropped the mittens in a bin on the way home.
Anyway, that was a very long time ago. These here are the ones I sent to my sister.
Family dynamics are difficult sometimes. Very nice mittens you knitted for your sister. I try to be extra kind these days to counter the negativity. Have a good day! Cali
ReplyDeleteThose are great mittens. Sad about the ones you knitted for your therapist, though. I understand the rule against accepting gifts, on an abstract level, but this gift seemed pretty harmless and I'm surprised she saw greater risk in accepting than rejecting it.
ReplyDeleteI love reading here. The wisdom you share, the truths about life, the moments of disappointment, and how, through it all, we persevere. Thank you for that quote from Nandi Rose. What it proposes, I can do! It makes me feel hopeful rather than helpless, brave rather than fearful, clearsighted rather than lost in the haze. It sounds as if there is a lot of love for your sister knitted into each stitch of those spectacular mitts. Really beautiful work. I'm sorry the therapist did not take a moment to be human first.
ReplyDeleteThe most wonderful therapist I ever had, the one who saved my life, would sometimes hug me if she knew I needed that. And she always knew when I needed that. So, I suppose you could say that for a moment she gracefully and with complete acceptance, wore my work on her skin.
ReplyDeleteAnd did you drop that therapist into the bin as well? Not because she felt she could not accept your gift but because of her insult of putting them on her skin.
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I did not get long when we were growing up, or rather, she wanted nothing to do with her younger sister, did not want me hanging around, tagging after her. But she grew up and I grew up and we shared so much of the same pain from being our parents' daughters and so we grew close. Even so, there were times I think when she still resented me, times when she felt I was challenging her position. She would snap at me to put me back in my place. Well, she's gone now.
And yes, after immersing myself in the hateful cruel incompetence for my last post, I am listening to the birds, noticing the tiny new growth emerging, finding ways to express love by supporting those being targeted. Love may be going underground but it will grow there.
"Maybe we can learn to undo the language of betterment in favor of something more honest and true: not I hope you feel better but I’m with you as things get worse."
ReplyDelete"We are both carrying wounds that will never heal."
Appreciate the clarity and the musical offerings here at Interim Arrangements. Always have, always will. What a beautiful gift for your older sister. What love has given to us, no one can take away. I refuse to live in fear. Action coming from love is powerful.
My sister has been angry with me for the last forty-one years. I don't want her toxic version of "love" anymore, so I broke off contact with her. I don't hate her and I'm not angry with her, but I won't allow her brand of hate in my life anymore.
ReplyDeleteThose mittens are so beautiful, your therapist was an idiot:)
I'm going to try and be kinder to everyone I meet, and hope that in some small way, it makes the world a slightly better place.