Just like any other morning, I woke up today with a great gift: I have the freedom to make decisions. And today, too, my decisions will shape how I feel, what I believe is possible in this world, and ultimately what I make possible for myself and for those around me and so on.
I could get bogged down by the histology findings of my finally removed and good riddance gallbladder and the conversations I had earlier this week with the experts, which included briefly: "the very obvious and widespread and ultimatively destructive inflammation of the entire mucosa and its blood vessel supply is clearly of autoimmune origin and regretfully avoided detection at an earlier stage as long-term immune suppressing medication tends to camouflage the necessary laboratory markers" and "in this case, it was only due to the insistent reporting of increasingly stressful symptoms by the patient that resulted in surgical removal" and "due to the patient's history and diagnosis, potential further damage to vital organs including liver and pancreas must be carefully monitored in short time intervals".
These are the kind of experiences that have rearranged my life for so many years now. And after every blow, and yes, even after so many years and all the ways I have figured out to accommodate and adjust, the blows are big, it takes me a while to realise that my strength extends beyond my misfortune, that while it may look and feel as if I am robbed of so much, I know that even when disappointed for a while, I will once again find that am able to live well. And once again look beyond my little horizon. Which today will include getting on my bicycle and make my way into the forest and see where it takes me. The man meanwhile is making jam, the leaves are turning all of the reds, renewable energy overtook coal as the world's leading source of electricity and the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to María Corina Machado, an outspoken politician from Venezuela.
That last meme-statement is the god's honest truth.
ReplyDeleteWell, damn. I have to say that you face your adversities with honesty and forbearance that I would not begin to be able to muster. You are a shining light in this darkening world.
It's a mindset, the ability or determination to see beyond some immediate misfortune and still find joy in life. That seems to be hard for some people, to accommodate and move on. Certainly you've been given one blow after another and yet... While others who suffer what amounts to minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of things take them too much to heart.
ReplyDeleteIf I had a forest within bicycle distance I would definitely be out there.
It's a good thing you insisted on having your symptoms being taken seriously. So often women, and I'm guessing women with a chronic illness, are not taken seriously. It must be scary to have an autoimmune disease, an attack from within is how I think of it, with virtually no defence.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're able to enjoy the good weather.
Your experience with chronic disease and sense of gravity and levity have helped me immensely as I live well after having had a stroke. Yes to the freedom to make decisions. One of the joys of my life is that I can walk out my door and within a few minutes be walking on beautiful paths through the woods. Especially this time of year.
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